Episode 4 - Fit The Fourth - Dinner with the MiceHere's the script for the scene with the mice, showing the differences between the two versions. Text in red is the original off-air version, and text in blue is from the revised version. The effects featured in this scene also change.
F/X Door opening sound. GRAMS Background noise of a busy quiet restaurant. TRILLIAN Arthur! You're safe. ARTHUR Am I? Oh good. FORD Hi Arthur, come and join us! ARTHUR Ford, Trillian, Zaphod! What happened to you? ZAPHOD Er, well. Our hosts here, sort of, er, attacked us with a fantastic dismodulating anti-phase stun ray and then invited us to this amazingly keen meal by way of making it up to us. ARTHUR Hosts? What hosts? I can't see any hosts. BENJY Welcome to lunch, Earth creature! ARTHUR What? Who said that? Urgh! There's a mouse on the table FORD Oh, haven't you found out yet, Arthur? ARTHUR Found out what? Oh! Oh I see, yes. Oh yes. I.. I, err, just wasn't quite prepared for the full reality of it. TRILLIAN Arthur. Let me introduce you. This is Benjy Mouse. BENJY Hi. ARTHUR Hi. TRILLIAN And this is Frankie, er., Mouse. FRANKIE Nice to meet you. TRILLIAN It seems they control quite a large sector of the Universe in our dimension. ARTHUR But aren't they...? TRILLIAN Yes, they are the mice I took with me from the Earth. It seems our whole journey has been stage-managed from the beginning. SLARTI Err, excuse me? BENJY Yes, thankyou Slartibartfast, you may go. SLARTI What? Oh, oh. Very well, thankyou sir, I'll, I'll just go and get on with some of my fjords, then. FRANKIE In fact that won't be necessary, we won't be requiring the new Earth after all. We've had this rather interesting proposition put to us. SLARTI What? FRANKIE We've had this rather interesting proposition put to us. SLARTI You can't mean that! I've got a thousand glaciers poised and ready to roll over Africa! FRANKIE Well, perhaps you'd better you can take a quick skiing holiday before you dismantle them. SLARTI Skiing holiday! Those glaciers are works of art! Elegantly sculptured contours, soaring pinnacles of ice, deep majestic ravines! It would be sacrilege to go skiing on High Art! FRANKIE Thankyou, Slartibartfast. That will be all. SLARTI Yes sir, thankyou very much sir. Well, goodbye Earthman. Hope the lifestyle comes together. ARTHUR Goodbye, then. Sorry about the fjords. BENJY Now, to business. FORD AND ZAPHOD To business. Cheers. (clink glasses). BENJY I beg your pardon? FORD Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I thought you were proposing a toast. BENJY Now, Earth creature. We have, as you know, been more or less running your planet for the last ten million years in order to find this wretched thing called the Ultimate Question. ARTHUR Why? FRANKIE Ah, no, we've already thought of that one, but it doesn't fit the answer. ARTHUR No, I mean, why have you been doing it? FRANKIE Oh, I see. Oh, er, Well, eventually just habit I think. To be brutally honest, and this is more or less the point, we're sick to the teeth of the whole thing, and the prospect of doing it all over again on account of those whinnet-ridden Vogons quite frankly gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies, you know what I mean? BENJY Ah, we've been offered a quite enormously fat contract to do the the 5D TV chat show and lecture circuit, and I'm very much inclined to take it. BENJY We're sick to the teeth of the whole thing, and the prospect of doing it all over again gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies, you know what I mean? FRANKIE We've been offered a quite enormously fat contract to do the the 5D TV chat show and lecture circuit, and I'm.. I'm very much inclined to take it. ZAPHOD Er, I would. Wouldn't you, Ford? FORD Oh, yes. Jump at it like a shot. ARTHUR But that's exactly the attitude those philosophers took Does no-one in this galaxy do anything other than appear on chat shows? FRANKIE The point is this. We are in a position to give you a very important commission. We still want to find the Ultimate Question, because it gives us a lot of bargaining muscle with the 5D TV companies. So, so it's worth a lot of money. (The mice giggle avariciously.) BENJY Ah, quite clearly if we're sitting down in the studio, mentioning that we happen to know the answer to life, the universe and everything, and then eventually have to admit that it's 42, then I think the show's probably quite short. BENJY I mean, quite clearly if we're sitting there looking very relaxed in the studio, just mentioning that we happen to know the answer to life, the universe and everything, and then eventually have to admit that in fact it's 42, then I think the show's probably going to be quite short. ARTHUR Yes, but doesn't that mean you have to go through your whole ten million year programme again? FRANKIE We think there might be a short cut. Your agent has... ZAPHOD Er, that's me. ARTHUR Is it!? FRANKIE Your agent has suggested that both you and Earth girl, as the last-generation products of the computer matrix, are probably in an ideal position to find the Question for us and find it quickly! Go out and find it for us, and we'll make you.. a reasonably rich man. ZAPHOD We're holding out for extremely rich. FRANKIE Alright, extremely rich. You drive a hard bargain, Beeblebrox. F/X Alarms sound. BENJY Hells bells, what is it now? PA VOICE Emergency, emergency! Hostile ship just landed on the planet. Intruders now in the works reception area! F/X Sounds of rushing feet, tables being knocked over, etc. Continues under the following dialogue.. PA VOICE Defence stations! Defence stations! Come on, you guys, what are you, nuts? Get out of there! F/X More sirens begin. TRILLIAN Are you thinking what I'm thinking? ZAPHOD Ah, police! Hell and bat's dos, we've got to get out! BENJY Police? ZAPHOD Yes, er., it's this wretched spacecraft we've stolen. I left them a note explaining how they could make a profit on the insurance claim but it doesn't seem to have worked! FORD Well, come on then! Lets move! FRANKIE Earthman! Find us the question! ARTHUR How? FRANKIE 42. No. No, that doesn't work either. ZAPHOD We will find it! Come on, get out of here! FORD Er, thanks for the meal, guys. Sorry we've got to rush. F/X Running feet.