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Michael Alexander St. John

Blue Jam Series 3 Episode 2 - Dance News 2

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MICHAEL ALEXANDER ST. JOHN: (slow, distorted) Blue Jam St. John. Two. Exclusive Dance News.

(normal) Ok, thumpsquids. Glitter-gel your bellies as I deep dish the nosh on the UK's jive core.

Bad news from Manchester's Spannerbrainia. I hear the Pret-a-Manger chillout room franchise just isn't working, and it doesn't help when the resident dealers sell you a ten quid wrap of brown and it turns out to be an old steering wheel. You know who I mean, guys.

No depression, however, at the Altered Thing in Coventry, largely thanks to DJ Travelcard and his Glitterponce Light Show. Six hours of Busy-shrug Speedcore, while light of every colour is bounced off a spinning ponce covered in mirrors. Commit genocide to get a ticket. Though I have to say last time I went, there was so much oral sex going on, I had to go out for a creep around in the leaves.

Ok. Top new release this week. Definitely make ears for The Malaysia Pub Foundation with "Come here and say that". Great one-inch drum sounds and some really nice anti-gay touches in the middle bit.

On the other hand, the real dog log of the week has got to be the Blowfly Allsorts with "Back once again with the shit-faced landlord". It features over sixty Kenny Loggins samples, most of them thankfully inaudible, there's a horrible Prescott in Kangol remix, and Tariq Ali directed the video, which is a crass, ugly and deeply stupid work.

Meanwhile, dead cert for number one this week has got to be "Just got Offed." That's Puff of Phat's tribute to himself, recorded before he pumped thirty bullets into his own head in a studio last month, in what many say was a gang-motivated attack. And you know that after seeing a clip of Puff on a lift security video, all Hollywood is saying he could have been the black Brando.

That's it, snavrogs. Oh, I'd just like to mention the huge numbers of youse sending in remix tapes from your home PCs. They are, without exception, absolutely abominable. Whenever I put one on, Dave Pearce runs into the room gushing: "Ooh! That's cool!" It's not cool, Dave, it's shit.

The script and audio clip are probably copyrighted by the BBC. If you have any objection to this fragment of a BBC radio broadcast, please send me an email.

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