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Michael Alexander St. John

Blue Jam Series 1 Episode 4 - Dance Chart

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VOICE 1: Hello? Hello?

VOICE 2: I want to dance. Can you help me?

MICHAEL ALEXANDER ST. JOHN: And so to the top ten cocky slivers pruning the bumfluff in the nation's spazgarage.

VOICE 2: I want to dance. Can you help me?

MICHAEL ALEXANDER ST. JOHN: Straight off the plane at number ten, Gloop Mongy Mong with "Fat Bleeping Bitch". A tribute to the Wu-tang's geezer, recorded in case he was shot, and released last week by mistake.

VOICE 3: I want to dance. Can you help me?

MICHAEL ALEXANDER ST. JOHN: Still retching at nine, "You have no idea how wide my eyes can get", that's the "Oh, Christ, he's using tyre-levers" version from Gunproof Grandad. That features Keith Prodigy eating an unopened tin of rice.

Absolutely no move at number seven, it's up three for the Portilloheads. "Give me a Professional Neck", mixed by themselves and then unmixed by DJ Mrs Clarke, from Egham.

Down fourteen at six, it's The Ralgex Tin with "Did God just fart on my decks?" Great Ambient Clown remix of that, too.

Now, it's been in and out of the number five position all year, this one. It's The Current Size of India and "Putting me in mind of attractive women." And you won't find a better example of Madface than that.

Good to see DJ Neutrino back in the chart. He's at number four with his Power of Random Sodomy Collective doing their version of the Felt Boris classic "Manhattan is my Wristwatch". Killer sample in there, too, from the seventies floorfiller "Burl's a Swinger".

A controversial number three this week, since it's really only number eleven. It's the guy who invented Large Armed House, Puffy Cousin and Renegade Chip Shop with "Sorry about the concrete. You should be able to walk out of your first floor window once it sets." That's already a classic plantain.

Number two. DJ Mumps with his historic premix of this year's as yet unrecorded Christmas number one, Robbie Williams' mum singing "We've got the builders in."

And so, yet again, it's straight in at number one for the third week running. And there's been real heavy rotation for this particular pringle. It's DJ Spamtin with Runny Sneeze and "Totally Impervious from Mandelson." So who said Suburban Plum and Suitcase was dead?

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The script and audio clip are probably copyrighted by the BBC. If you have any objection to this fragment of a BBC radio broadcast, please send me an email.


       
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